71%
of women aged 45 and over said they didn’t feel well informed or prepared for menopause.
Survey of 1,604 Australians, including 500 women aged 45 and over · HCF and YouGov, 2023 · self-reported · Read it
Perimenopause
Nobody talks about this.
We’re Calmora, a small family team in Tauranga. We hear from a lot of women who were blindsided by perimenopause: rage out of nowhere, waking at 3am night after night, anxiety with no reason behind it. Many had no idea it could be perimenopause, and some had been told it was just stress.
We’re tired of hearing the same story, so we’ve put what we’ve learned in one place: what women go through, the signs to look for, and what to say to your GP. We looked up the research too. In one Australian survey, 71% of women aged 45 and over said they didn’t feel well informed or prepared for menopause.
Read it, tick the signs that sound like you, and pass it on to the women in your life.
MelissaCalmora Wellbeing
In their words.
We’ve read a lot of what women say about perimenopause: in our reviews, in messages to us, and online. It wasn’t easy reading. Here are a few, in their own words.
Every one of these means “it’s not real”. We know it is.
What women hear when they try to explain what’s going on.
- “It’s just stress.”
- “Sounds like anxiety.”
- “You’re too young for that.”
- “Your bloods came back normal.”
- “You’re a busy mum.”
- “It’s just your age.”
- “Have you tried yoga?”
- “Maybe cut back on the wine.”
- “Here’s something for your mood.”
- “Try to get more sleep.”
- “Have you tried a bath?”
- “You’re still having periods, so it can’t be that.”
- “Everyone’s tired.”
- “Have you tried losing weight?”
- “Come back if it gets worse.”
- “It’s your nerves, love.”
add yours What did they tell you it was? A sentence is enough. Type it, or send us a voice note.
With your permission, we’ll add it to this page (first name, age and town only), so the next woman who reads it knows she’s not the only one.
Send a voice note on WhatsApp
Rather say it than type it? Tell us what they told you it was, in your own words. We’ll always check with you before we use it.
Even better: ask your mum what they told her, and send us both.
tick yours
The list nobody gives you.
Hot flushes get all the attention. For a lot of women, the first signs are rage, waking at 3am, or losing words mid-sentence. Tick the ones that sound like you. Some you’d never have connected to perimenopause.
Tick any that sound like you.
This isn’t a diagnosis. Plenty of these can have other causes, like thyroid, iron, sleep problems or just a brutal year, which is exactly why they deserve a proper conversation with your GP, not guesswork on your own.
The numbers that don’t add up.
We looked up the research, and we’d honestly rather you checked the sources yourself. Each one is labelled as a study or a survey, because you deserve to know the difference.
78%
of women diagnosed with depression in one hospital audit had significant perimenopause symptoms that had been overlooked.
82% were treated with antidepressants. Only 45% said their symptoms were well managed.
Hospital audit of 250 women aged 45–55 · conference abstract, BJPsych Open, 2024 · Read it
39%
of women who asked for help with their perimenopause or menopause symptoms said they were offered antidepressants first.
Survey of 5,744 women by a UK menopause clinic · self-reported · Read it
Since perimenopause or menopause began, women said they felt:
- 84%anxious or stressed
- 79%more overwhelmed
- 72%low or tearful
- 67%angry or irritable
- 55%flat or blunted
Same survey of 5,744 women · self-reported · Read it
45%
of women in late perimenopause reported trouble sleeping, the highest of any stage in a study of 12,603 women aged 40–55.
SWAN study · Kravitz et al., Menopause, 2003 · Read it
Put together, they tell the same story: these symptoms are common, and they’re often put down to something else.
before your appointment
What to say to your GP.
Too many women leave their appointment with “it’s probably stress” and nothing else. That’s what getting fobbed off looks like. These six steps help you get a proper conversation about perimenopause.
- Book a longer appointment, and say it at the start: “I’d like to talk about perimenopause.”
- Bring your list with your ticks. If you can, jot down a few weeks of sleep, mood and period dates first. Patterns help.
- Use your real words. If it’s rage, say rage. If it’s 3am every night, say that.
- Ask: “Could this be hormonal? What are my options, hormonal and non-hormonal?”
- Know that you’re not “too young” in your forties, and a normal blood test doesn’t always rule it out. In perimenopause, hormones can swing from day to day.
- If you don’t feel heard, you’re allowed to ask for a second opinion, or see a doctor with a special interest in menopause. Find one near you on Healthpoint.
Prints the signs you ticked and these six steps on one page, with space for notes.
Who made this page?
Calmora Wellbeing. We’re the family team behind Calm Days, a daily supplement for this stage of life. If you’d like to see it, it’s here. If not, that’s completely fine.