71%
of women aged 45 and over said they didn’t feel well informed or prepared for menopause.
Survey of 1,604 Australians, including 500 women aged 45 and over · HCF and YouGov, 2023 · self-reported · Read it
Perimenopause: Nobody talks about this.
We’re Calmora, a small family team in Tauranga, New Zealand. We hear from a lot of women who were blindsided by perimenopause: rage out of nowhere, waking at 3am night after night, anxiety with no reason behind it. Many had no idea it could be perimenopause, and some had been told it was just stress.
Part of the problem is that nobody talks about perimenopause, and we’re on a mission to change that. So we’ve put what we’ve learned in one place: what women go through and the signs to look for. We looked up the research too. In one Australian survey, 71% of women aged 45 and over said they didn’t feel well informed or prepared for menopause.
You’ll probably think of someone while you read this. When you do, send it to her.
MelissaCalmora Wellbeing
In their words.
We’ve read a lot of what women say about perimenopause: in our reviews, in messages to us, and online. It wasn’t easy reading. Here are a few that stayed with us.
Every one of these means “it’s not real”. We know it is.
What women say they’ve heard when they try to explain what’s going on.
- “It’s just stress.”
- “Sounds like anxiety.”
- “You’re too young for that.”
- “Your bloods came back normal.”
- “You’re a busy mum.”
- “It’s just your age.”
- “Have you tried yoga?”
- “Maybe cut back on the wine.”
- “Here’s something for your mood.”
- “Try to get more sleep.”
- “Have you tried a bath?”
- “You’re still having periods, so it can’t be that.”
- “Everyone’s tired.”
- “Have you tried losing weight?”
- “Come back if it gets worse.”
- “It’s your nerves, love.”
add yours What did they tell you it was? A sentence is enough. Type it, or send us a voice note.
With your permission, we’ll add it to this page (first name, age and town only), so the next woman who reads it knows she’s not the only one.
Send a voice note on WhatsApp
Rather say it than type it? Send us a voice note about what you were told. We’ll always check with you before we use it.
You could also ask your mum what she was told, and send us both.
tick yours
These are real symptoms.
Hot flushes get all the attention. For a lot of women, the first signs are rage, waking at 3am, or losing words mid-sentence. Tick the ones that sound like you.
Tick any that sound like you.
Your ticks on one page, with what to say to your GP.
This isn’t a diagnosis. Plenty of these can have other causes, like thyroid, iron, sleep problems or simply a hard year, which is exactly why they deserve a proper conversation with your GP, not guesswork on your own.
- Book a longer appointment, and say it at the start: “I’d like to talk about perimenopause.”
- Bring this sheet with your ticks. If you can, jot down a few weeks of sleep, mood and period dates first. Patterns help.
- Use your real words. If it’s rage, say rage. If it’s 3am every night, say that.
- Ask: “Could this be hormonal? What are my options, hormonal and non-hormonal?”
- Know that you’re not “too young” in your forties, and a normal blood test doesn’t always rule it out. In perimenopause, hormones can swing from day to day.
- If you don’t feel heard, you’re allowed to ask for a second opinion, or see a doctor with a special interest in menopause. Find one near you on Healthpoint.
Numbers you can help change.
Here’s the research. Each number is labelled as a study or a survey, with a link to the source.
78%
of women diagnosed with depression in one hospital audit had significant perimenopause symptoms that had been overlooked.
82% were treated with antidepressants. Only 45% said their symptoms were well managed.
Hospital audit of 250 women aged 45–55 · conference abstract, BJPsych Open, 2024 · Read it
39%
of women who asked for help with their perimenopause or menopause symptoms said they were offered antidepressants first.
Survey of 5,744 women by a UK menopause clinic · self-reported · Read it
Since perimenopause or menopause began, women said they felt:
- 84%anxious or stressed
- 79%more overwhelmed
- 72%low or tearful
- 67%angry or irritable
- 55%flat or blunted
Same survey of 5,744 women · self-reported · Read it
45%
of women in late perimenopause reported trouble sleeping, the highest of any stage in a study of 12,603 women aged 40–55.
SWAN study · Kravitz et al., Menopause, 2003 · Read it
Put together, they tell the same story: these symptoms are common, and they’re often put down to something else. The more women know, the harder they are to dismiss.
start with your own health
What to say to your GP.
Too many women leave their appointment with “it’s probably stress” and nothing else. These six steps help you get a proper conversation about perimenopause.
The six steps From booking the appointment to asking for a second opinion.
- Book a longer appointment, and say it at the start: “I’d like to talk about perimenopause.”
- Bring your list with your ticks. If you can, jot down a few weeks of sleep, mood and period dates first. Patterns help.
- Use your real words. If it’s rage, say rage. If it’s 3am every night, say that.
- Ask: “Could this be hormonal? What are my options, hormonal and non-hormonal?”
- Know that you’re not “too young” in your forties, and a normal blood test doesn’t always rule it out. In perimenopause, hormones can swing from day to day.
- If you don’t feel heard, you’re allowed to ask for a second opinion, or see a doctor with a special interest in menopause. Find one near you on Healthpoint.
Your ticks and these six steps, on one page.
Who made this page?
Calmora Wellbeing. We’re the family team behind Calm Days, a daily supplement for this stage of life. If you’d like to see it, it’s here. If not, that’s completely fine.